Some days it seems like everything is coming together and others like it's all falling apart. Today was an amalgamation of both, tho after the final parody of my water jug overturning on it's own in the bathroom it seems to wish to strain towards the latter. When i was opening the lock to my gate the chain fell heavily and the links swung to their own accord as they do every time and i was struck by the weight of all i've accumulated and the chaos within which it lies. I've somehow collected tis giant jumbled mass of things and called it my life. Encased it in a jewelbox owned by people who had nothing to do with me or my understanding stolen by theives cavorting upon a disaster and sold in the black market of our government. And I am supposed to figure out how to rationalize being here and as my gentrification seeps into the neighborhood the mold crawls into my lungs and who knows how either will work out.
Spent today driving around with 4 buckets of precariously placed toxic oil sludge in the back of my truck i scooped out yesterday from adam's pit after skinning an owl.
The rain is pecking away at the floors and ceiling, chinese water torture for the house, tearing at it's mental foundations. It was so cold today. Thought i could handle it but it just got darker and pissed down more. Spent tis morning transferring freezing cold water from one drum to another, hands steeped in warm dishwater, bird bathoing over the oven with a washcloth and bowl, running through the rain on errands, driving through it in a goosechase for beignets, caulking the window, squinting to ge the mirror picture i made right. Felt good to create something. Put buckets under the rain in my room. Put up blankets in teh open doors. Forgot a thousand details upon which i spent hours trying to figure out. Rain, rain, go away. come again some other day, preferrably one where i have a working roof. It just won't stop.
Went to a play (socially concious, a little weird, at times, hilarious) and then saw a burlesque troupe perform disney parodies. It just somehow struck me as wrong, these happy chicks parodying something they don't really get at all. they were not particularly funny, crude at times, pretty , smart, just somehow didn't really make me laugh so much. They sang a song "i ho" to the snow white tune and all i could think was how none of them probably ever had in thier life and they had no idea what they were talking about. Burlesque is such a.. sort of disney weekend excursion into the sex industry. If not done with art and grace, it can get pretty tacky. i thought of the sad voluptuous painted birds outside the hotels on tulane at 9 in the morning in the tenuous rain.
No comments:
Post a Comment